MORE HORRIFYING HEALTH NEWS

It must be some kind of virus, a disease that makes my eyeballs skitter towards health news in various publications, online news feeds, etc.  Why, oh why, do we need to know anything else about protecting our bodies?  I hate to tell you but--WE ARE GETTING OLDER.  SHIT HAPPENS.  FEET GET GNARLY.  BLADDERS BECOME TESTY.  HAIR TAKES OFF FOR JAMAICA LEAVING US BEHIND.  AND LET'S NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT THE BACK OR THE KNEES.

So now one of the biggest pieces of "I am going to kill any possible shred of joy left in your life" news is, "Sitting is the new smoking."  Yes indeedy do.  Sitting consecutively for more than 3 hours at a time (some say 6 hours) contributes to: Diabetes 2, obesity, heart problems, and a host of other things including extreme crankiness and an inability to understand James Joyce.

As I sat in my Weight Watchers meeting two days ago (yes, those last few stubborn pounds love my belly and have no intention of ever leaving), the leader chirpily informed us of this horrifying news.  We came up with fabulous ways to keep moving, as in: keeping hand weights near the TV so we could do reps while watching "American Idol"; parking far away from the center of town to make us walk; getting up each hour to waltz around the room etc. etc.  I suggested buying a Jack Russell Terrier as my method to get up and moving.  It works, trust me.

Not content with practically ruining my happiness at sitting at the computer and writing (Dear Lord, I am actually dying as I sit here and write...), some other health organization whose name I have forgotten, probably due to overconsumption of twinkies when I was young, now tells us that egg yolks are terrible for our health.  Bad, bad, bad with a severe wagging of the finger at those of us who happen to like the occasional egg on a morning with some great coffee.  Where were these people ten years abo when the news first came out about these dangers?  Egg sales plummeted.  We got used to eating other things for breakfast--like steak.  I kept consuming modest amounts of eggs because they are a terrific source of lutein.  This is a fine phytochemical which helps those of us with Macular Degeneration (probably caused by watching too many "I Love Lucy" reruns). Lutein is marvelous for your eyes, and though I hesitate to contribute to yor physical collapse, I'd suggest you just not listen to this latest health bulletin.

Here's my informed and wise advice:  Walk at least 15 minutes a day, 30 if you have a dog, preferrably a Jack Russell.  Drink red wine.  Not a lot of it, mind, but at least one glass daily with perhaps a small top up.  Use olive oil on your food.  Put tumeric and cumin in your beans and other recipes because they are anti-inflammatories and very good for you.  Eat lots of veggies and fruit and moderate the red meat.  Here's the important part--laugh a lot, it's good for you, and keep up with your friends.

And, of course, being the religious nut that I am, it's clear to me that faith is good for you.  As long as it's not the kind of faith that tries to strong-arm the rest of the world into its own belief system, or the kind that takes out assault rifles and...you know the rest of the story.

We need to take ourselves way, way less seriously, and enjoy our short tenure on this beautiful and precious earth.  I believe it was Thomas Aquinas who once said, "Do you know why angels can fly?  Because they take themselves lightly."  Do I hear an Amen, anyone?